8 Jun
After a big Laker win in game two, I called my high school point guard and current Los Angeles Clippers employee David Gale to get some insight.
Oh yeah, he worked out with Blake Griffin on Saturday…how’s that for credibility?
As always you can download here or find me on iTunes by typing Ward-Henninger, You’ve Got to be kidding me, or some combination of my name and the title…you’ll figure it out.
3 Jun
Well, we survived the first podcast, now it’s onwards and upwards.
This time I talk to my good friend Patrick Smith (aka The Mick) about the upcoming Magic-Lakers NBA Finals. Please enjoy.
Again, you can either listen live by clicking on the link or save it by right clicking and hitting “save link as…”
If you’re really into it, you can subscribe by clicking on ’subscribe in reader’ on the right side of the screen and then clicking on ‘Add to iTunes.’ Fancy.
Appreciate it.
28 May
At long last, the podcasts are underway. Here is the first one in which I call my good friend Josh Sowers and we discuss a bunch of baseball related topics…oh yeah, and South Park.
There are some sound issues (volume, phone call distortion) but I think it’s alright to listen to. It can only go up from here!
Click on the link to listen live through QuickTime or right click, save link as… and listen later! (Make sure you click on the link below before you try to right click and download…just one of those things)
Enjoy.
3 Nov
With the election just one day away, I thought I’d take a look at some OTHER possible candidates for the president of the United States. Sure, Obama and McCain are good candidates, but can they run the triangle?
In case you’ve been living in a cave for the past year — actually forget that, even the caves got word of this– you will be tuning in Tuesday to watch one of the greatest contests in our nation’s history.
No, I’m not talking about Phoenix at New Jersey. I’m talking, of course, about the presidential election. Now while Barack Obama and John McCain are both solid candidates, I thought I’d see how some of our very own Lakers might fare as America’s next president.
Kobe Bryant
Pros: A natural competitor, Kobe has always been known for his tireless work ethic and refusal to accept mediocrity. In the past couple of years, Kobe has also proven that he can put his personal agenda aside and do what is best for the team.
Cons: His competitive fire often causes him to make rash and ill-advised decisions. Also, questionable choices in his personal life leave Kobe open for attacks on his “moral character.”
Electability: 3/10 - Always a polarizing figure, Kobe would easily win California but would lose each of the other 49 states.
Lamar Odom
Pros: Versatile and unselfish, Odom has always been willing to sacrifice personal glory to put the team first. He has also learned to deal with criticism after being chastised mercilessly for the better portion of his career.
Read the rest of the story at Examiner.com…while you’re there subscribe to get email alerts every time there’s a new post!
28 Sep
I just wrote an enthralling allegory comparing the Lakers upcoming season to the classic Wizard of Oz on my Examiner page. Here’s a clip, but please click on the link so I get paid for it! Thanks!
Kobe and the Lakers aren’t in Kansas anymore. Last year they were able to surprise just about everyone by finishing with the best record in the Western Conference. Not a chance this year, as most analysts are picking the Lakers to come out of the West and win the title. They need to realize they have a target on their backs and know that they’re going to get every opponent’s best game.
The Lakers need to get Vladi Radmanovic a brain, Pau Gasol a heart, and Lamar Odom some courage. If the Lakers are going to return to Championship form, they’ll need to be firing on all cylinders. That includesgetting “space cadet” Radmanovic to figure things out. It also means Pau Gasol needs to show some fire and not allow himself to get consistently pushed 15 feet from the basket in the playoffs. Perhaps most importantly, however, they need Lamar Odom to finally realize how good he is. Every Laker fan has been frustrated seeing Odom’s inconsistencies, and a nice bout of confidence (and perhaps a move to the bench), may allow him to finally flourish.
See the full story here.
24 Sep
For all of my fans that have been climing the walls waiting for a new post for the past couple weeks, here it is. And by ‘here it is’ I mean here is an excuse.
I got a job. That’s right, Examiner.com is going to pay me to blog about the Lakers. I will do some cross-posting, and of course I will continue to use this blog to highlight all absurd sports stories not involving the Lakers.
While you’re here, check out my latest post on Andrew Bynum. After my hiatus I’m back and ready to go, so keep your eyes open and keep checking back.
Somebody will do something stupid soon, and I’ll be there to make fun of them.
3 Sep
You gotta trust that face
Instead of preparing to take over as the Warriors number one guy, Ellis will spend the next 3-4 months recovering from his injury and trying to get his story straight. Several sources and sports medicine experts have told ESPN that the cuts and abrasions, along with a torn deltoid ligament, are not typical of a basketball-related high ankle sprain.
The Warriors are investigating the injury and if it’s found that Ellis hurt himself doing something other than basketball (taking out the trash, erratic dancing at the club, burning his hands in hot wax), he may be forced to forefit his contract.
It appears that Ellis lied about his injury, which is pretty stupid, but he is just following in the footsteps of professional athletes that lie to weasel their way out of losing money. At least Ellis’ excuse was reasonable, unlike these bozos:
- Lakers forward Vladimir Radmanovic claimed to have separated his shoulder when he slipped on a patch of ice while carrying a cup of coffee. Nobody swallowed this tripe to begin with, since Radmo was at a ski resort in Park City, Utah when the injury happened. He came clean after a few days, admitting that he hurt himself after a nasty snowboarding fall.
- Then-Giants second-baseman Jeff Kent claimed to have broken his wrist when he fell off of his truck while attmepting to give it a thorough cleansing. Reasonably suspicious about how a professional athlete could manage to fall off of his truck, the Giants looked into it and found that two men called 911 about the same time as Kent’s injury. They said that they saw an unidentified rider fall off of his motorcycle while doing a wheelie down the street. Since Jeff Kent was never shy about his love for motorcycles, the Giants continued to look into it, but could never prove that Kent simply couldn’t figure out the appropriate water to soap ratio.
While lying is a despicable act and should never be used to cheat your way out of a fine, it may be a reasonable option for those athletes trying to avoid looking like an idiot. Here is a list of boneheads that probably would have saved some face by lying about their injuries. Some highlights:
So maybe lying about an injury isn’t the worst thing in the world. Just try to avoid dangerous situations like washing your truck, opening DVD’s, and giving motivational speeches.
29 Aug
Straight Shooter
I know you’ve seen them. They’re more ubiquitous than postgame cliches, Yankee Stadium boos, and Chicago Cubs excuses combined. What I’m talking about, of course, are these multicolored necklaces that every single baseball player seems to be wearing these days.
They’re called Phiten Titanium Necklaces and whoever does their marketing should have their Blackberry retired. Through word of mouth, great advertising (which I have yet to see) or some other miracle, baseball players have all seemed to buy into it.
At first I thought it was just a fashion statement like the Van Dyke beard in the mid-to-late 90s. After doing a little research I find out that these things are full-fledged Magic Beans. According to their website,
“Phiten’s exclusive processes amplify the energy management system increasing the efficiency of each and every single cell.”
It goes on to say that the product MAY help to…
Looking to alleviate stress in his teeth
Seriously, Ron Popeil needs to be taking notes. I haven’t been this excited for a product since I saw that Tater Mitts infomercial at 3 a.m. Thursday morning.
Now I know baseball players are a superstitious bunch, ready to jump at anything that promises to improve performance (see: STEROIDS, HGH, ANDRO, etc.) but this is remarkable even for them. How grown men making millions of dollars a year became conviced that a necklace can help them reach peak performance is beyond me.
In fact, I’m pretty sure the necklaces are having the opposite effect based on the “studs” they chose to put on the front page of their website:
I’d say the necklaces aren’t exactly working for their posterboys.
I’ve got no beef with the Phiten people on this one. They’re just selling a bogus product that people choose to believe. The fault here lies entirely with the ballplayers that choose to swallow this Mumbo Jumbo. But hey, do what you gotta do.
The worst part is you can see little leaguers all over the country emulating their heroes by buying this witchcraft ($25 per necklace, by the way). I guess with all the money parents spend on their kids’ equipment, it could be worse.
They could be running up saying, “Daddy, you gotta get me a Gold Thong like the Giambino!”
27 Aug
I really don’t see what everyone is so upset about. Jericho Scott, a 9-year-old pitcher with a 40-mph Nolan Ryan fastball was banned from pitching in his Pee Wee League in New Haven (it figures that the week I leave lowly New Haven for the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, something like this happens).
The team tried to ignore the rule and pitch young Jericho (who, ironically, suffered the same fate as his CBS namesake), but when the opposing team saw the intimidating 50-pounder on the mound they packed up their gear, left their Capri Suns and Ding Dongs in the cooler, and returned home in time to catch the second half of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with this move. If anything, Jericho and his parents should be flattered and honored by this gesture of submission by his peers. Professional athletes always talking about wanting to ‘go out on top.’ Well I can’t think of anything better than having the entire league refuse to play against you because you’re too good.
Could you imagine this conversation going on in the Phillies dugout before a game with the Mets:
“So, they got Santana going tonight. You think we should go with Feliz or Dobbs?”
“Wait, I got a better idea. Let’s just quit.”
“Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that?”
Johan would be out of the league in no time. Despite the best efforts of his mother.
Jericho can now retire as the best 9-year-old in the history of the game. So good that his competitors would rather quit than suffer the embarrassment of striking out. Sounds like a good deal to me. I mean what are the odds that he would grow up to pitch in the Major Leagues? About the same as Danny Almonte starting next year’s All-Star Game.
Word on the street is that Jericho has other talents, however. Just this last week alone, these incidents occured at his high school:
The New Haven community has certainly set a new precedent for youth activity. If someone is much better than you at something, don’t try to test yourself against the best and take pride in the fact that you tried your best. Just complain until somebody removes him from the playing field. Then you can make things fair by taking your hacks against the kid with the inhaler and the Rec Specs.
13 Aug
We interrupt this broadcast of 8-year-old Chinese gymnasts masquerading as 16-year-olds for an urgent message: ONE OF THE PARTICIPATING NATIONS IS NOT HOLDING UP ITS END OF THE BARGAIN.
As of the time of this post, the fine nation of Canada had won 0 medals. Yup, that’s right, not one of the 33 million Canadian citizens can say that they have a medal at the 2008 Olympic Games. You, sitting on your couch yelling at American gymnasts for falling off a balance beam the width of your remote control, have just as many medals as any Canadian athlete.
Just for comparison’s sake, let’s take a look at some of 50 powerhouse nations that have managed to justify the 4 years of training, millions of dollars worth of travel, and countless amounts of commercials by actually winning a medal:
and my personal favorite…
It’s not like Canada is perenially in the poor house when it comes to the Olympics. In Athens in 2004, the Canucks took home 12 medals, including 3 golds! I don’t know what happened between now and then, but it seems like they never thawed out from the winter.
Hey, if your country is gonna spend its hard-earned Loonies and Toonies to get you here, you might as well compete, right? Here are some possible reasons for why they haven’t been able to break through with that first medal:
French fries and gravy....a marriage made in heaven
I think I had too much, eh?
These guys showed up for gymnastics
This might get you through one Canadian breakfast
They always get their man...but unfortunately no medals
