Paid Drivers: Who Knew?

Carmelo Anthony was pulled over Monday morning for weaving through traffic and failing to dim his lights. After failing a series of sobriety tests, he was arrested for driving under the influence.

There’s got to be some way to avoid driving home wasted, but how? Nobody wants to be seen in the back of a dingy cab. These guys are rich, they like to roll in style.

Well, put your breathalyzers away because I just found a way that you can be luxurious AND wind up in your own bed instead of behind bars.

It’s a little-known fact, but in the current times of recession and sub-prime mortgages, people are actually accepting money to drive people around. I think they call it Show-Furring (sp?).

Anyway, it’s new, and apparently you give somebody money and in exchange they will wait in your car (sometimes they drive their own car!) while you down shots of Tequila at a bar, pop Cristal at the club, or just pound Jager bombs with your buddies in his mom’s basement. Then, as you stagger out struggling to find your keys, he will gently guide you into the back seat and drive you to your house. Finally! A way to have a great night out without getting arrested.

There’s just one catch. It does cost a pretty penny. I’m no accountant, but let’s try to do the math here. A driver can cost anywhere from 50-150 dollars per hour. So that means if it took him three hours to get Carmelo home (he took the long way), it would cost the Nuggets forward $450 just to get home. Outrageous!

But wait, I heard basketball players make good salaries these days, so let’s check it out. Carmelo Anthony is set to make 13.04 million dollars in 2008. I know it would be a serious hit to the bank account, but it might be worth springing for the driver, Melo.

Well, now that you know this secret, go forth and spread the word to your NBA buddies (those you didn’t punch in the face). No longer must you play Russian Roulette with the law in the wee hours of the morning. Just like your taxes, your housekeeping, and your gardening, you can now pay somebody to do that for you too.

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