Weekly Sportspod – Colin Talks to Sawyer about the Rays and Jersey Shore

Finally, booze that can help me get huge.

With the MLB playoffs right around the corner, I thought we should talk to my former Yale Baseball teammate and Tampa Bay resident Marc Sawyer about the Rays and their chances in the postseason. And of course Sawyer and I could not get through a conversation without talking about Jersey Shore and the agonizing Ronnie and Sammi drama. Enjoy.

As always listen below, right-click and download the link, or wait for it to show up on iTunes in either a couple hours or a few months.

Marc Sawyer 090110

Eric Byrnes released after exit on bicycle…seriously

And we thought this was the low point of his career...

I wish I was clever enough to come up with this scenario on my own, but…it actually happened.

After getting halfway through this article, I had to do a double-take and make sure I wasn’t reading The Onion.

Apparently, after making the unforgivable baseball mistake of pulling back his bunt attempt during a squeeze play, Seattle Mariners outfielder Eric “Byrnesie” Byrnes took strike three down the middle to ruin the M’s hopes for victory.

That’s bad enough, but the fun hadn’t even started yet.

So, Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik is walking back to the clubhouse, dejected after yet another loss, hoping to speak with his team. Suddenly he feels a gust of wind as a speeding vehicle moves past him.

What was it? Lance Armstrong? E.T.? Speed Racer?

Wrong…it was Byrnesie making a bee-line for the stadium exit on his bicycle.

Before Zduriencik even had a chance to address his team, Byrnesie was home free on his Huffy. Apparently Byrnes lives (or lived) close enough to the stadium to make daily trips on his two-wheeler.

Needless to say, Saturday’s charade, coupled with the fact that he had tallied three more hits than a dead guy this season, gave Zduriencik plenty of reason to release Byrnes. And he did.

Hey, look at it this way, at least Byrnes has another career waiting for him…

He’s got the hair for it.

MLB Busts Joe Maddon for Wearing Hoodie: Why Stop There?

Makes me sick just looking at it.

ESPN radio personality Colin Cowherd often blasts Major League Baseball for being a backwards, slow-to-progress institution that fails to relate to the youth.

Well, he was certainly proven wrong Monday as Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon was forbidden from wearing his trademark hooded sweatshirt in the dugout during games.

I only have one thing to say: it’s about time.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at Maddon’s classless, ragged hooded sweatshirt and gotten sick to my stomach. It’s bad enough that he parades around in those Buddy Holly glasses. I mean, who does he think he is? No wonder baseball ratings are down. People turn on the television, see a guy like Joe Maddon and think, “who is this clown? what else is on?” Click.

Baseball is a gentleman’s game. There’s no place for this sloppy, casual dress in the dugout. I would much rather look in the dugout and see a 70-year-old man wearing a full baseball uniform. There’s no way you look at that guy and think anything but, “Now there’s a man I want my son to play for.”

Eliminating hoodies (I can’t even type the word without getting angry) from the dugouts is an important first step, but we can’t stop there. Here is a list of rules that need to be implemented if we want baseball to regain the title of “America’s Pastime.”

I’m glad the MLB has taken this all-important first step by banning the hoodie, but these next measures need to be taken in order to ensure the sanctity of the game.

Once that’s taken care of, we can start working on the music at stadiums. It’s like we’ve forgotten how inspiring a great John Philip Sousa march can be for a team.

She’s Crying, Sir

She's crying, sir.

The headline “Eri Yoshida Signs With Chico Outlaws of Golden Baseball League” probably doesn’t do much for you. It didn’t do much for me either, until I discovered that Eri Yoshida is a woman.

Ok, so I admit the only reason I took interest in this story is because it featured the team that allows me to refer to myself as a “former professional baseball player”, the Chico Outlaws. In fact, I guess as an Outlaw Alum I got put on some distribution list that allows me first crack at all the hot news coming out of the Golden League. Other headlines haven’t quite been as interesting: “Outlaws One Game Out of First! Playing Tonight vs. OC Flyers“, “Tonight’s Game on iBN Sports.com!

But after you stop and think about it, this one’s actually pretty interesting. Obviously your first thought, as a sports fan, is obvious: “there’s no way a female can compete with a male in any sport in the world…ever.”

This isn’t the first time a woman has tried to play with the men. We all know about Danica Patrick and Annika Sorenstam (apparently you have a head start if your name ends in ‘anica’), but baseball is, well, a real sport.

But to be fair, Yoshida has a better chance of surviving and advancing in baseball for a couple of reasons:

  1. She’s a knuckleballer. When Tim Wakefield goes out there and throws his 30 mph floaters up towards the plate, does it really matter that his arm is attached to a goatee-sporting 43-year-old man? Yoshida’s knuckler is said to be about 50 mph, which means that physical strength and stamina isn’t going to be an issue.
  2. There’s no physical contact. This isn’t football where a woman is trying to go toe-to-toe with Ray Lewis. It’s baseball. In all honesty, she may go her entire career without ever touching another player in any way (something tells me she’ll hold off on the congratulatory butt-slaps…at least for the first week).

So in that sense, Yoshida has as good a shot as any to advance in a man’s sport. Now, she also has to avoid another problem: most knuckleballers suck.

We’ll see how Yoshida stacks up, but it’ll at least be interesting to watch. I can’t wait to see Chico manager Gary Templeton deliver this speech to Yoshida after she’s despondent due to a bad outing:

Colin’s First Three-Way…Podcast

Colin talks to Josh Sowers and Patrick Smith…at the same time! Thanks to Skype, the three of us talk about the Olympics, NBA trades, and baseball. Not to mention a few diversions. Listen by downloading on iTunes or using the player below.

If you like what you hear, follow me on twitter @lakersexaminer.

Podcast #1 – Colin talks to Sow

At long last, the podcasts are underway. Here is the first one in which I call my good friend Josh Sowers and we discuss a bunch of baseball related topics…oh yeah, and South Park.

There are some sound issues (volume, phone call distortion) but I think it’s alright to listen to. It can only go up from here!

Click on the link to listen live through QuickTime or right click, save link as… and listen later! (Make sure you click on the link below before you try to right click and download…just one of those things)


Podcast #1 – Colin talks to Sow

Phiten Through The B.S.

Straight Shooter

Straight Shooter

I know you’ve seen them. They’re more ubiquitous than postgame cliches, Yankee Stadium boos, and Chicago Cubs excuses combined. What I’m talking about, of course, are these multicolored necklaces that every single baseball player seems to be wearing these days.

They’re called Phiten Titanium Necklaces and whoever does their marketing should have their Blackberry retired. Through word of mouth, great advertising (which I have yet to see) or some other miracle, baseball players have all seemed to buy into it.

At first I thought it was just a fashion statement like the Van Dyke beard in the mid-to-late 90s. After doing a little research I find out that these things are full-fledged Magic Beans. According to their website,

“Phiten’s exclusive processes amplify the energy management system increasing the efficiency of each and every single cell.”

It goes on to say that the product MAY help to…

  • Alleviate Discomfort
  • Enhance Circulation
  • Promote Relaxation
  • Stabilize Energy Flow
  • Reduce Stress
  • Soothe Tension
Looking to alleviate stress in his teeth

Looking to alleviate stress in his teeth

Seriously, Ron Popeil needs to be taking notes. I haven’t been this excited for a product since I saw that Tater Mitts infomercial at 3 a.m. Thursday morning.

Now I know baseball players are a superstitious bunch, ready to jump at anything that promises to improve performance (see: STEROIDS, HGH, ANDRO, etc.) but this is remarkable even for them. How grown men making millions of dollars a year became conviced that a necklace can help them reach peak performance is beyond me.

In fact, I’m pretty sure the necklaces are having the opposite effect based on the “studs” they chose to put on the front page of their website:

  • Justin Verlander (8 more losses and 8 fewer wins than last season)
  • Josh Beckett (just went on the DL with a mysterious “strained right elbow”)
  • Clay Bucholz (ERA ballooned from 1.59 last year to 6.75 this year)
  • Justin Morneau (11 fewer homeruns than last year)

I’d say the necklaces aren’t exactly working for their posterboys.

I’ve got no beef with the Phiten people on this one. They’re just selling a bogus product that people choose to believe. The fault here lies entirely with the ballplayers that choose to swallow this Mumbo Jumbo. But hey, do what you gotta do.

The worst part is you can see little leaguers all over the country emulating their heroes by buying this witchcraft ($25 per necklace, by the way). I guess with all the money parents spend on their kids’ equipment, it could be worse.

They could be running up saying, “Daddy, you gotta get me a Gold Thong like the Giambino!”

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